When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I've got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.
Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce.. I raised the topic calmly.
She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?
I avoided her question. This made her angry.. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Dew. I didn't love her anymore. I just pitied her!
With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company.
She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Dew so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.
The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn't have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Dew.
When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.
In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from me, but needed a month's notice before the divorce.
She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month's time and she didn't want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.
This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day.
She requested that everyday for the month's duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy.. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.
I told Dew about my wife's divorce conditions... She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully..
My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mummy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. >From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don't tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.
On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this woman carefully for a long time.. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.
On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning.. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me.
On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn't tell Dew about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.
She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.
Suddenly it hit me... she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.
Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it's time to carry mum out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.
But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step.. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn't noticed that our life lacked intimacy.
I drove to office.... jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind... I walked upstairs. Dew opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Dew, I do not want the divorce anymore.
She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Dew, I said, I won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of our lives, not because we didn't love each other any more. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart.
Dew seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away.
At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I'll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.
That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I ran up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed - dead......I cried and cried uncontrollably and carried her for the last time from the room to the hall with tears streaming down my face and gazing at my only son, his tears rolling from his eyes, they made me cry even more. I had lost my love, my wife and a loving and caring mother and nothing I could do now to put the clock backward. I had all the time now to look at her motionless body in detail but I knew it was going to be only for a short while until she made her last journey to the Lord.....I held my son and wept again and again thinking of all the things I did not do for her when she was still alive..........and placed gently the flowers in her hands with my tears trickling on them.......she was gone forever, all my tears would not bring her back .
The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank, blah..blah..blah. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse's friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!
If you don't share this, nothing will happen to you.
If you do, you might just save a marriage.
Friday, July 31, 2009
Thursday, July 30, 2009
Saturday, July 18, 2009
Monday, July 13, 2009
Pada mulanya plan nak jalan g jalan tar tengok2 kain sbb nak raya bulan sept nie
Tapi adik ajak lak g zoo negara (tiket masuk adult rm15, kanak2 rm6)
Pastu dalam 1230 pm gak la sampai & terpakse g parking B (parking fee rm4)
Kitorg starting point tgk aquarium. Best sbb dapat tengok ikan sungai yg besar2.
Pastu kitorg teruskan langkah menuju ke tempat animal show tapi lom start.
Terus jalan2 tgk haiwan yang lain. Ade gerai makanan tapi cam biase mahal. Burger daging rm3.50, air mineral rm2.00. Sediakan duit manyak2.
Kalau berjalan kaki, amik masa dalam 2 jam 30 minit gak la nak abiskan semua tempat.
Pastu jam dah nak hampir 3.00pm, kitorg naik train terus ke tempat animal show.
Best sbb dapat tgk sea lion, burung nuri beraksi (nanti i upload video plaks)..
Hmm tu je la yang nak dikongsi..
Kat bawah nie sebahagian pics yg di amik..
Friday, July 10, 2009
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
Thursday, July 2, 2009
SULUNG+SULUNG DAN TUNGGAL+TUNGGAL = PEREBUTAN KUASA
Anak sulung Dan anak tunggal memiliki karekter yang sama.Masalah yg dihadapi oleh pasangan ini biasanya berkisar drpd sifat mrk sendiri yg inginkan ksempurnaan Dan sentiasa memikirkan siapa yg lbh bkuasa dlm apa juga perkara.
SARANAN UNTUK PASANGAN INI
Bhenti drpd terus mengkritik pasangan jika mengimpikan kehidupan yg bahagia.Kritikan pedas biasanya menjadi kebiasaan kepada anak tunggal.
Jgn suka mbuat andaian yg berlebihan tentang sesuatu perkara.Contohnya perkara yg belum berlaku,tetapi anda sudah menentukan IA pasti berlaku.Sesungguhnya sikap begitu menjurus menjadikan anda seorang yg keras,bukan hanya pada diri sendiri tetapi juga pada pasangan.Ini adalah sikap yg sgt tdk baik krn setiap pasangan inginkan kelembutan bukannya kekerasan.
Definisikan peranan masing2 dgn jelas.ini dpt mengelakkan drpd pdebatan atau pertengkaran tentang siapa yg berhak melakukan ini atau itu.Berbincang Dan putuskan sejak awal tentang tanggungjawab masing2.
Hentikan terus sikap tamak atau mendominasi.Tdak semestinya apa yg anda inginkan akan anda dapati. Dalam mencapai sesuatu perkara, mungkin caranya lebih baik drpd cara anda..Belajarlah untuk berkata “Cara kamu juga baik.Apa kata Kita Cuba dulu cara yg kamu sarankan ini.”
SULUNG + TENGAH = PARADOKS
Anak sulung harus menerima kenyataan bhw anak tengah mempunyai karakter terbaik dlm mempertahankan sesebuah perkahwinan.fakta penting bagi anak tengah,anak sulung adalah ‘paradoks’(kelihatan bercanggah tetapi benar)yg membosankan.Sbg anak yg memiliki kakak/abang Dan adik,anak tengah sudah terbiasa bertolak ansur, berbincang Dan gemar memendam perasaan drpd meluahkan isi hati yg sebenar.
SARANAN UNTUK PASANGAN INI
Selalu-selalulah berbincang.Jgn biarkan pasangan anda berkata,”semuanya ok”’tanpa mengetahui hal yg sebenarnya.Berusahalah utk berkongsi perasaan antar satu sama lain. Buatlah pasangan anda agar merasa dirinya sentiasa istimewa.Khususnya bg anak sulung,beri pasangan anda hadiah atau kejutan2 kecil krn kebiasaan anak tengah kurang mendpt perhatian keluarga. Jika Ada masalah,selesaikan segera.Tetapi keputusan hendaklah dibuat secara bersama
SULUNG + BONGSU = PASANGAN BAHAGIA
Pasangan yg ideal Dan saling tertarik antara satu sama lain.Anak sulung mengajar perkara2 yg berkaitan dgn prinsip hidup Dan rancangan masa depn.Sementara anak bongsu membantu pasangan untuk lbh santai dlm menghadapi hidup.sebaiknya ialah,isteri sulung sementara suami bongsu.Wanita yg lahir sbg anak sulung,sifat keibuannya sgt tinggi.sementara lelaki yg lahir sbg anak bongsu pula sentiasa memerlukan kehangatan seorg ibu.dlm hal ini,mrk saling lengkap melengkapi.namun perlu diingat,kebahagian dlm perkahhwinan bkn ‘dilahirkan’ tetapi ‘diciptakan’.
SARANAN UNTUK PASANGAN INI
Jgn sesekali membiarkan pasangan (bongsu) mengambil kesempatan ke atas anda.Terutamanya jika pasangan anda lelaki.Berusahalah agar dia sentiasa memahami bahawa perkara remeh-temeh di rumah,bkn hanya tugas atau tanggungjawab wanita seorang. Jgn terlalu meperbesar-besarkan kelemahan pasangan anda.Krn setiap org mempunyai kelemahan,tetapi IA harus,diperbaiki dgn cara sebaik mungkin.Jgn terlalu drastic,tetapi pasti. Beri perhatian sepenuhnya antara satu sama lain. Komunikasi perlu sentiasa dijaga.Pastikan bahwa peranan anda Dan pasangan tetap seimbang dlm posisi yg wajar.
TENGAH + TENGAH = KACAU BILAU
Kelemahan pasangan ini ialah dari segi komunikasi.tidak gemar berbincang krn takut berlaku perdebatan Dan sering takut jika idea mrk tdk diterima.
SARANAN UNTUK PASANGAN INI
Jika sukar utk bercakap Cuba ungkapkan isi hati melalui lukisan.Spt surat ,kad atau pun sms. Bangunkan kepercayaan diri pasangan melalui pujian,ciuman,dakapan Dan sbgnya. Luaskan pergaulan.Bergaullah dgn rakan2, baik di pejabat atau pun tetangga.Tetapi elakkan drpd kecurangan atau perkara2 yg negative. Sentiasa menghormati pasangan.Cth mudah ialah jgn lupa telefon jika anda pulang lewat atau ingin pulang cepat.
TENGAH + BONGSU + AMAN
Seorang pasif Dan seorang lagi sosial.Satu kombinasi yg baik dlm sgl aspek.
SARANAN UNTUK PASANGAN INI
Jgn sesekali meperlekehkan pasangan anda,walaupun mungkin idea yg dikemukan kedengaran pelik Dan lucu.Dengar Dan fikirkan. Sesekali cubalah idea2 baru.Bukannya apa, sekadar untuk memeriahkan Dan lebih menghangatkan lagi perhubungan anda berdua. Berusahalah utk menonjolkan kelebihan pasangan anda. Berusaha utk berkongsi dlm sgl hal.Jgn menangis atau ketawa sendirian.
BONGSU + BONGSU = KELAM KABUT
Kombinasi ini sering terjebak dgn masalh kewangan serta beberapa masalah berat lainnya.Kerana itu sejak drp awal lg, mrk hendaklah duduk bersama berbincang tentang hak Dan kewajiban masing2.Juga kesepakatan utk menerapkan disiplin dlm rumah tangga.Jika ianya diabaikan,sdh pasti sglnya mjd kelam kabut.Kebiasaan buruk anak bongsu ialah gemar menyalahkan org lain.
SARANAN UNTUK PASANGAN INI
Jgn suka bertikam lidah,sebaliknya jdlah pendengar setia utk pasangan.Sentiasa bersikap terbuka dan berusaha untuk myelesaikan sgl masalah.
Sentiasa berkomunikasi dgn baik dan saling ingat mengingatkan,agar tdk berlaku sesuatu yg tdk diingini. Jgn memulakan pertengkaran sebaliknya hendaklah sentiasa menghindari. Hadapi sgl apa yg mebdatang dgn tenang serta pasti hidup anda berdua sentiasa dipenuhi dgn keceriaan.
Namun catatan ini tdk lbh drpd suatu kebiasaan yg sering dilihat.Jadi, bgmn pun posisi anda,hendaklah sentiasa berusaha yg terbaik.Juga jgn lupa bersyukur walau di mana posisi anda dlm keluarga agar tdk mempengaruhi perjalanan rumah tangga anda.Dgn kata lain,apa yg dicatatkan hanyalah sbuah petunjuk,bukannya anak panah.